so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
