I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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