I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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