I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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