my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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