Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
