I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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