Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
