Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
