If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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