I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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