I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
