Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
