i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
