I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
