when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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