hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And the cops told us we were all naked.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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