She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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