i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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