she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize