Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
