I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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