my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
