I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
