I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
