I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
