just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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