the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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