Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this beer tastes like vomit already
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
