this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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