hell yes lets make some ravioli
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
