Banned from zoo.
Again?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
