I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
