We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
