hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
