We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
