you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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