I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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