My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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