you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Found the puke drawer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
