If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sponge bath it is.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They took my balls.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
