she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
