There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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