I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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