We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
