how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize