Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
