"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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