If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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