I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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