Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
