I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
