Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You need Xanax blowdarts
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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