Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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