I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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