Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
