I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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