everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They have beer where we have blood.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
