Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
