like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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