we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
